Saturday, October 13, 2012


Well it's been a long, long time since I posted last. I guess having all 5 kids home doesn't leave much time for blogging, who knew?!~
Let's see, what all has gone on in the last few months....
The girls both started school and are doing GREAT! I just had conferences the other night and Lauren is a "bit of a class clown" <-- NO way! Not MY Lauren hahah! Riley, smarty pants, is my 3rd grader and she is testing at a 5th grade level. Such a little overachiever! So proud of her!

About a week ago I brought Wyatt in for his first boy moment - almost needing stitches. *Rolls eyes* To be completely honest, I am surprised it took this long before something happened with him lol. He is a total boy and has NO fear! Anyways, he was running around in the living room and fell, hitting his face on the side of the couch. Cut up his lower lip pretty bad and also bit it. He went all out. There was blood everywhere and the cut was nearly all the way through the lip so we packed up and headed into the ER. The Dr. was going to put a few stitches in it but I thought that would be super traumatic and asked if we could just do the super glue stuff. He was happy to throw that on there and away we went. A few hours later, Buddy picked the flipping super glue stuff off. I swear, this boy wants me to die of a heart attack, soon! Well, thankfully it healed quickly on its own and never got infected. It looks pretty good and nearly all healed now.

Emma and Grayson both have a pair of Peach's Neet Feet now!! Emma just got hers in the mail the other day. If you are not familiar with Peach's Neet Feet, you are soo missing out! What they do is amazing in so many ways! We are so very blessed and thankful to have not only a pair for Grayson, but also Emma. Thank you everyone at PNF!!! Head HERE to see all the amazing things they do =)

Also, Grayson's next scan has been scheduled. November 9th.  Insert hyperventalating mama! I am honestly scared to death to walk back into that hospital. I feel as though now that we haven't had to go in for weekly chemo, now that I have finally convinced myself that we can now live a "normal" life again, I don't ever want to go back there. To that part of our lives. The nightmare! It may sound crazy, but it took me 2 months to start to even try and live "normally." We know that the tumor will grow again, and it haunts me...but I don't want to believe that. I can't believe we made it through the hell, absolute hell, we went through the last 15 months. I can't even fatham doing it again, but even through a tougher nightmare?! When I think about the past year and half, I feel a little numb, like I was in a war with something so horrible, the only way to live through it was to numb my mind, my feelings, and my emotions. Become numb=survival. I know most people will say "You can't keep things in, you need to talk about it." Fuck you! Sorry, but really, fuck you! That was my way of dealing, and I don't regret it at all. When I think back, it's really a blur, and it's best to keep it a blur. When I think of details, I get sick, sad, mad, ok, furious! My family experienced things no family should experience, I saw things no parent should see, and I felt things no parent should feel. Those things I can not unlive, I can not un-see, and I can not un-feel.

On a more positive side of this "nightmare," I have met some of my new best friends along this journey. God sent me those who I needed, when I needed them. Sometimes complete strangers or even old enemies became some of my closest friends and showed they truly cared about me and my family. I am forever grateful for them.
I am trying to keep myself busy and my mind focused on remaining positive for the up and coming scan. I have to remind myself that worrying really doesn't change anything and just wastes a whole lot of time and energy lol.
Oh and I am not going to spell check this, so hope I didn't have a billion mispellings :P I am sooo tired and headed to bed. I could probably fall asleep like this....

 HAHAHAH!! Oh Silla (that is his nickname...idk why. It was silly billy...then silla just silla...LOL crazy how nicknames come about. Emma's is Diva B or EminEmma, Grayson gave her that one haha).
{{Goodnight}} {{N.E.G.U.}}

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