Saturday, January 7, 2012

1 year

Today is the day. Today marks exactly 1 year since Grayson was diagnosed with a brain tumor. To be honest, I think I felt worse yesterday than I do today. I did a ton of thinking, re-living, and crying. I think I must have got it all out of my system because today I don't feel that heavy sadness.
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I said in the previous post that today is like an anniversary of a death, and I DO feel that way. When I was told my 7 month old baby boy had a brain stem tumor that most likely was not operable, my heart sank and my world stopped. Not only did it stop, it crashed down around me. I will never forget the feelings that day nor the words told to me.

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Although today is a sad day of mourning, it is a day that also symbolizes a rebirth. As I think back on this year of constant doctoring, caring for my son, and my family, I realize that I see things in a different way...in a new light. The flowers smell sweeter, the sunrises seem more beautiful, places seem more interesting, messes don't seem as messy, and seeing my baby boy playing cars and legos on the living room floor with the older kids all the sudden became some of my dreams come true. Life is more fun and we truly live for each and every day.

I began to see things that "normal" mothers may not take the time to see nor feel. I no longer feel mad about this, but thankful. We are blessed to have Grayson here and the lessons his diagnosis has brought us.

I was sent this picture by a friend, and the saying/quote is so true.

Take what you are handed and make the best of it =)


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