Saturday, October 13, 2012

Recappin'

Well it's been a long, long time since I posted last. I guess having all 5 kids home doesn't leave much time for blogging, who knew?!~
Let's see, what all has gone on in the last few months....
The girls both started school and are doing GREAT! I just had conferences the other night and Lauren is a "bit of a class clown" <-- NO way! Not MY Lauren hahah! Riley, smarty pants, is my 3rd grader and she is testing at a 5th grade level. Such a little overachiever! So proud of her!

About a week ago I brought Wyatt in for his first boy moment - almost needing stitches. *Rolls eyes* To be completely honest, I am surprised it took this long before something happened with him lol. He is a total boy and has NO fear! Anyways, he was running around in the living room and fell, hitting his face on the side of the couch. Cut up his lower lip pretty bad and also bit it. He went all out. There was blood everywhere and the cut was nearly all the way through the lip so we packed up and headed into the ER. The Dr. was going to put a few stitches in it but I thought that would be super traumatic and asked if we could just do the super glue stuff. He was happy to throw that on there and away we went. A few hours later, Buddy picked the flipping super glue stuff off. I swear, this boy wants me to die of a heart attack, soon! Well, thankfully it healed quickly on its own and never got infected. It looks pretty good and nearly all healed now.

Emma and Grayson both have a pair of Peach's Neet Feet now!! Emma just got hers in the mail the other day. If you are not familiar with Peach's Neet Feet, you are soo missing out! What they do is amazing in so many ways! We are so very blessed and thankful to have not only a pair for Grayson, but also Emma. Thank you everyone at PNF!!! Head HERE to see all the amazing things they do =)

 
 
Also, Grayson's next scan has been scheduled. November 9th.  Insert hyperventalating mama! I am honestly scared to death to walk back into that hospital. I feel as though now that we haven't had to go in for weekly chemo, now that I have finally convinced myself that we can now live a "normal" life again, I don't ever want to go back there. To that part of our lives. The nightmare! It may sound crazy, but it took me 2 months to start to even try and live "normally." We know that the tumor will grow again, and it haunts me...but I don't want to believe that. I can't believe we made it through the hell, absolute hell, we went through the last 15 months. I can't even fatham doing it again, but even through a tougher nightmare?! When I think about the past year and half, I feel a little numb, like I was in a war with something so horrible, the only way to live through it was to numb my mind, my feelings, and my emotions. Become numb=survival. I know most people will say "You can't keep things in, you need to talk about it." Fuck you! Sorry, but really, fuck you! That was my way of dealing, and I don't regret it at all. When I think back, it's really a blur, and it's best to keep it a blur. When I think of details, I get sick, sad, mad, ok, furious! My family experienced things no family should experience, I saw things no parent should see, and I felt things no parent should feel. Those things I can not unlive, I can not un-see, and I can not un-feel.

On a more positive side of this "nightmare," I have met some of my new best friends along this journey. God sent me those who I needed, when I needed them. Sometimes complete strangers or even old enemies became some of my closest friends and showed they truly cared about me and my family. I am forever grateful for them.
I am trying to keep myself busy and my mind focused on remaining positive for the up and coming scan. I have to remind myself that worrying really doesn't change anything and just wastes a whole lot of time and energy lol.
Oh and I am not going to spell check this, so hope I didn't have a billion mispellings :P I am sooo tired and headed to bed. I could probably fall asleep like this....


 HAHAHAH!! Oh Silla (that is his nickname...idk why. It was silly billy...then silla billa...now just silla...LOL crazy how nicknames come about. Emma's is Diva B or EminEmma, Grayson gave her that one haha).
{{Goodnight}} {{N.E.G.U.}}

Saturday, August 11, 2012

We can officially say - Grayson is DONE with chemo! Thursday was his very last day!! I keep thinking about the damn scans though! Blah!!! Big "Fuck You" to cancer! Oh, and I know this sounds crazy, but the 'end' of treatment is really going to be hard to adjust to! I swear I'm on a rollercoaster ride with ups and downs every few minutes! I thought the oncologist was kidding when she said a lot of parents have a really hard time at the end of treatment. Who would have thought?!  LOL

No-Mo-Chemo
6.9.11-8.9.12
Exactly 14 months!

Looking forward to not having to spend so much time at the Oncology clinic!!! Yay!! We do go back in 6 weeks for a followup and they are throwing a little party for him there. Isn't that sweet?! So much fun!!











I am trying to think of things to distract my mind from wandering to those anooying and fun-sucking 'what if' thoughts. I know I do need to start getting school supplies and clothes for the girls. They are coming back on the 26th and school will start on the 4th. I'm going to let them pick out some stuff and will have to wait for stuff like shoes and jeans to make sure they can try them on first. So now I just need to find something to do in the mean time! I feel like I need to go do something, but Grayson has to wait at least 3 weeks before we go do anything to extremem with lots of people/kids. He needs some time to get a decent ANC and let that immune system start to bounce back.

Tis all for now,
Laters =)

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

This and That

Grayson has been neutropenic the last week so we are on the lovely 'house-arrest.' Must say it gets boring, fast! Grayson didn't get chemo last week due to the low ANC level so now our end date of chemo is pushed back at least a week. Tis life! I'm sure it's because I have a countdown and a party planned, right?! lol
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I've had a ton of orders lately so I've been super busy at night keeping up with those and I even managaed to get one school shirt done and matching necklace! Go me! Pretty sure Riley will love it!
Super cute!! Going to make some lounge/PJ shorts tonight for them. Seriously those take like 15 mins each lol. And, you can never have too many pairs of jammie shorts! :) I'll post pics of those and other projects as well.


Also picked up this beauty the other day...isn't she so pretty?!

Right now its hanging up and it's gorgeous as is, eventually I will do something more with it!
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The twins have hit their 'terrible two's'...I must say, it's still hilarious to watch them! They get in each others faces and yell in their own little language and then go separate ways whining, but then a few seconds later are cuddling and laying on the same pillow. LOL! I take lots of video so I can show them just how funny they were when they were little.

Oh, and if you would like to follow me on Pinterest...head here:
http://pinterest.com/5blessings/

Laters ;)

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday the 13th

I suck at keeping up with my blogging! Wow!

Today is Friday the 13th. Started out just as awesome as one would imagine. lol

Well Grayson is done with chemo on the 26th. 13 days! Mmhmm, about damn time!! The crazy thing is, I'm not sure that I want it to come.  It seems as though the closer we get to the 26th of this month, the harder things are for me. I am certain that this is THE hardest part thus far in our journey. When he was first diagnosed, it was new and scary, I didnt know what to expect. During the last 15 months of treatment, he stabilized and there was a small sense of comfort in knowing the chemo was doing its job in pro-longing life. But now we are nearing the end of this chemo treatment and we were told that Grayson's tumor WILL grow again. We dont know when. We dont know if we will catch it in time. The doctors are worried it will grow uncontrollably once chemo ends. <---I obviously have to disagree, screw cancer and screw doctors with their statistics! :)
I am trying to keep myself busy with other things and projects because I am not in control of when my son's time is up. <----Can not believe I even have to think this way, ever, and why the hell should any parent ever need to think this way?! Ugh, I just HATE.cancer!


In other news, did you know they already have school supplies out at Target?! Seems so early, but yes, I did grab some things since they were on sale and I will have 2 in school this fall. They already have the school supply list up too so that helps.

Thats all for now, guess I'll post in another month haha, ok hopefully sooner :)

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Hello Blog World,
I'm back, for now lol. I just havent been in the mood to write on here in sooo long. I've come by and looked at my blog and just can't even find the words to describe what I feel and most of the time I don't even feel like posting about what I did with the day. It's usually the same....sit at home, take care of kids, or spend my day at Childrens/Gillette. Not exactly something I'd love to recap :P


Lots of life changing things/events have went on in the past 6 months {Divorce, Twinkies turned 2, stable scans, summer showed up, storms ruined our neighborhood} Yep, lots of juicy stuff huh?! I bet you'd love if I went into details on it all, but we'll just leave that to the wondering minds.

The weather is HOT-HoT here and I love it!! I wish I could find a lake with lots of shaded areas along the beach/water but have had no luck. If you know of something in or around Minneapolis, let ME know! :)

I am back on Pinterest as well, pinning, and pinning, and...pinning!! OH, and I have found a new obsession, burlap!! That crap is awesome! I think im going to cover my walls in it, sexy right?! Ok, maybe not as far as covering my walls with it, but I've got a few projects in mind ;) Just need to get me some burlap and I'll post pics of my genious (ok, pinterested genious-ness) project!

Tis all for now, Laters!! :)

Friday, January 27, 2012

Sassy


You are what you eat


I woke up in a Fantastic mood! I say "fantastic" because even I'm not sure as to what words are going to come out of my mouth next. Fun right?! I think so anyways ;) Nothing wrong with a little sassiness to make the day interesting!

Since our household is on the oh-so-amazing lock down, I have come up with all sorts of fun things for us to do...outdoors. Right?! Just like how I have no vehicle but can think of a million reasons that I need to go for a drive. Blah!

I find myself looking on Pinterest for that magic quote or saying that will pop out and smack me in the forehead and get me into a much better mood. This is what I found:
Pinned Image
Um, YEH! Ok. So with this lovely day and my fantastic attitude that I have, I'm going to have to go with Kenny Chesney-Reality! =)

good quote.

Hm, I'm feeling like a better mom already! hahah!

Definitely putting this quote up in Tyler's room- describes my boy to a T!!
How cute?! Love this!! So need this for my boys <3

Well Grayson is in charge and he isn't ok with me being on the computer. Guess my break is over!
~Tomorrow is a new day~






Monday, January 23, 2012

Grayson has been fighting this nasty cold for nearly 2 weeks. It's got him so congested he can hardly eat! Poor lil man! It didn't seem to phase him at dinner though hah! He ate like a champ! I love seeing him eat lots and lots. Buddy even ate all his "baby trees" -broccoli!
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We were gifted this beauty by grammy and it came in the mail today!
I snapped a pic before I had her fully assembled and apparently didn't take one after, oops. I tried it out and it works so nice! Clean up isn't bad either!! Yay!! Thanks, Grammy!!! <3 Now I'll be searching for all kinds of recipes so if you have any delish ones, email me!!! ;)

Yesterday the twinkies turned 20 months old....20 months!!! How crazy is that?! Which means in a short four months they will be 2 years old!! Time to start thinking of a theme for the party!!

Emma wouldn't smile (imagine that!), and Grayson is showing off his new "cheese" face! LOL! He was saying "eeeeeee" while he did it too haha hes so silly!!
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Haven't been up to much around here lately. Just hanging out and having lots of playtime! Loving mommy and kiddo time =)

Grayson loves his turtle,as you can see, and I have to admit so do I. He wakes up super early, we're talking 5am! Now instead of crying like he used to, he just sits and plays with the turtle now! Sure makes me happy to get that extra half hour-hour of sleep!!! Grayson has even said, yes SAID, "turtle" and crawls around looking for it. Loving that hes becoming more verbal.
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I have a confession to make. I am addicted to Pinterest....phew!~ I feel so much better getting that out and in the open..........soooooo if you are on pinterest, follow me ;) If you need an invite, leave your email below or message me on facebook and I will surely invite you to join me in Pinterest Land!

Have a great evening, and remember....
Choose Joy! =)


Thursday, January 19, 2012

The cold icky winter weather finally found Minnesota! It has been bitterly freezing the last few days, we're talking at least -10!! AHH! I was sooo not ready for this! BRR!! I am not one for the cold temps :/
We also were visited by a nasty cold virus. So far nearly all of us have caught the darn thing! Grayson was the first and its spreading down the line and back.
***
It's already Thursday, again. Chemo days blow! Just saying... I hate that my little baby will be sick for the next 2-3 days and I will need to give him meds every 4 hours to make him feel better. I can't wait until we are hopefully cancer free this summer and remain cancer free!!
***


I was given a link to a youtube video that has my mind a spinning! A very sweet lady *rolls eyes* voiced her opinion on the 'Bald & Beautiful Barbie.' She basically stated she though it was a bad idea and one comment she made just stuck in my head, "bald and ugly." How can someone think that of a child? The worst part is, I'm sure there is others like her!
***
Now, I am off to attempt to watch Greys Anatomy. There is going to be a case of a kid with a brain tumor that is deemed inoperable. Sounds like I'm setting myself up for a good cry session huh?! haha! Have a good evening all!

Monday, January 16, 2012

If he's anything like me....

Pinned Image




Still kickin!! Just been busy with the kids and been busy straightening things out in my life, one of which was with the college I used to attend. I am thinking of  attending a community college nearby (Inver Hills?), but this is all dependant on Grayson!  It's nice to know that my GPA of nearly 4.0 at my previous college comes in handy when wanting to go back to school at some point =)

Been doing a lot of indoor fun stuffs with the kids lately. I think mainly to keep my own sanity! We've been cooking new things and have started a new diet. Made forts in the living room the other day. FUN!
Also, CaringBridge update on Grayson's therapy appointment today.

~Random tid-bit....
My husband and I picked certain songs for the twins when they were born.....we were listening to the radio one day and certain country songs just became "Emma's Song!" or "Grayson's Song!" and we did this for all the kids. Grayson's song is Anything Like Me-Brad Paisley. We haven't been able to listen to this song in nearly a year. Not since Grayson was diagnosed. Listen to the song if you aren't familiar with it, you will have a better understanding and just imagine having all those dreams for you son, and then finding out he has cancer..... There's been times that we are driving around running errands and the song comes on the radio, instantly flooding us with emotions causing us to both to reach for radio and turn the station! I've added the song to my playlist on my blog in hopes that I will be able to listen to the song and sing along again, thinking of all the things we have to look forward to Grayson doing...............
                                        

Saturday, January 7, 2012

1 year

Today is the day. Today marks exactly 1 year since Grayson was diagnosed with a brain tumor. To be honest, I think I felt worse yesterday than I do today. I did a ton of thinking, re-living, and crying. I think I must have got it all out of my system because today I don't feel that heavy sadness.
***
I said in the previous post that today is like an anniversary of a death, and I DO feel that way. When I was told my 7 month old baby boy had a brain stem tumor that most likely was not operable, my heart sank and my world stopped. Not only did it stop, it crashed down around me. I will never forget the feelings that day nor the words told to me.

***
Although today is a sad day of mourning, it is a day that also symbolizes a rebirth. As I think back on this year of constant doctoring, caring for my son, and my family, I realize that I see things in a different way...in a new light. The flowers smell sweeter, the sunrises seem more beautiful, places seem more interesting, messes don't seem as messy, and seeing my baby boy playing cars and legos on the living room floor with the older kids all the sudden became some of my dreams come true. Life is more fun and we truly live for each and every day.

I began to see things that "normal" mothers may not take the time to see nor feel. I no longer feel mad about this, but thankful. We are blessed to have Grayson here and the lessons his diagnosis has brought us.

I was sent this picture by a friend, and the saying/quote is so true.

Take what you are handed and make the best of it =)


Friday, January 6, 2012

My heart is heavy and I feel as many emotions as one could possibly feel. A year ago today, we were living our lives and didn't have any idea that tomorrow would be the day that changed our whole lives!

A Year ago yesterday, Grayson had his very first MRI. It was only an option for us, and the neurologist did not push us into wanting it done, we just felt we needed to go ahead and have it done. That way we would know for sure what was going on. --If you don't know his history or our story, or simply don't remember, Grayson was 7 months old and not sitting up and having tremors bad. They thought he had a stroke after lots of labs and testing ruled out any other disorders. Therefore the MRI was to prove/disprove the stroke.-- 

Tomorrow marks exactly 1 year to the day, that we got that phone call from the neurologist. The one no parent ever could possibly prepare themselves for. I remember him telling me he hated to tell me over the phone but he HAD to. He then proceeded to tell me that the MRI showed a "mass" in the middle of Grayson's brain stem. I can still feel every feeling I had during, and after, that phone call. I feel numb, scared, sad.....everything. I felt like our world had just completely crumbled around us and nothing would ever be the same. It hasn't...

***
Our neurologist saved Grayson's life. Had he not supported us in our decision to have an MRI done, even though MANY doctors advised against it, Grayson would not be here with us today. Thank you, Dr. Feyma! You are an amazing neurologist and we love you!

***
I think back on this year since his diagnosis and it's been unbelievably hard. Mentally, physically, emotionally....everything. I've found a strength in myself, and in my family, that I didn't know existed. It's been horribly hard! Grayson's diagnosis date marks a death...the death of how our life used to be and the dreams and hopes we once had.

We need lots of love, help, and encouragement during this journey!

***
I've added some links. Hope you enjoy and remember, I love and need to hear from you, whether you think I don't like you, or you were an enemy at one point (lol). I need and want to hear from everyone! It keeps me going!!!! =)


Here is my journal entry a year ago. I had no idea how hard it would be to travel this road!


This page is set up so you can easily leave us or Grayson a message. We will also have some fundraising info here shortly!! Become a fan of the page and be a part of Grayson's Hope!


Tomorrow we mourn the death of our old life, that took place one year ago, but celebrate and embrace our new life. We keep our hopes high and our faith strong!

I have included a slideshow of our journey through 2011.


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