Thursday, December 29, 2011


I love blogging and I love all my readers. Seriously! I love when I get random emails saying that something I wrote about in a posting had inspired someone or simply made them laugh out loud!

Although I write via blog, caring bridge, and facebook, I feel that I hold back sometimes with my true feelings. This is all about to change. I'm taking charge and postings will be exactly like my journals, raw and real!

This whole journey with Grayson has made me change parts of my life and it left me searching for the true and real me. I didn't know who I was anymore. I had so many plans, hopes and dreams for myself and I was truly on the path that I had always envisioned for myself and worked so so hard to achieve. However, this is not the plan God had for me. I was one semester away from my nursing degree, one semester! This was all set aside when I was told my son had cancer. My son and my family is my number one priority in life and always will be, but I do hope one day to get back in the NICU.
For now my life is this, and it took months of getting "used" to. I finally feel like I have found "me" again and I feel a sense of peace with each day. It doesn't mean I don't have bad days or hateful angry days, but for the most part I am happy. I feel God has blessed me and our family.
I was always thankful for the things in my life but never to this extent. If you ever have the opportunity, I would highly recommend taking a walk through a pediatric oncology floor. It will be an experience you will never forget and it will truly change you. Don't take anything in your life for granted!

Ok, enough cancer talk. I'm still a normal 25 year old stay at home mommy and I've recently started taking time into thinking about me and what I want to do in life. I've started building my bucket list! I know, my husband thinks I'm crazy silly, but cute! =) So I will post all about my bucket list soon!!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas Eve

Today is Christmas Eve. We just want to wish all of our readers a very Merry Christmas!! Y'all have been so much a part of our lives this year and we wish you all the best and hope for a great New Year in 2012!!~

 This is the front of our Christmas card we sent out this year, sure fits huh ;)
And this is the back.

Please take the time to remember those children that will be spending Christmas in the hospital fighting the horrible disease, cancer! We are very blessed that Grayson is well enough to spend it at home with us!
 Merry Christmas <3

Monday, December 19, 2011

Project RACK

My girls have been learning a lot about kindness in school. They have been doing class projects that include everything ranging from anti-bullying to helping less fortunate families. So, as most of you know, we used the money we got back from our Christmas cards to do our own project at home.
We chose to do project RACK - Random Acts of Christmas Kindness. My girls really had a blast doing these things for other people after we have received sooo much help this year! It was nice to do a little paying it forward, although on a really small scale, BUT its the thought that counts!
So here are some of the things we did ...

All these goodies went to the Oncology Center in Minneapolis (where Grayson goes)!! Thank you Shannon for your donations as well! This is amazing!

 We taped some baggies with some quarters onto the dryers at the local laundry mat

We taped a few bags of popcorn to our local Redbox (these didn't last long, they were gone by the time we left the parking lot lol)!

Our last stop was at a center for pregnant teens and women and children that were victims of domestic violence. We brought some diapers and wipes and some gift cards for Caribou. The girls handed out some of their "Choose Joy" bracelets and I've never seen people's eyes light up as much as they did reading the bracelets and seeing us bringing gifts in general. Sometimes you just need to simply Choose Joy!
The girls loved doing these things today, which happens to be our Christmas Eve. It was a great day and Grammy approves of our day of RACK!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Choose Joy

We woke up to a little dusting of snow this morning! I'm not sure who got more excited, me or the kids! It didn't stay for long, sadly. It was melted by 2pm. Booo!! It's looking more and more like it really with be a brown Christmas after all!
My Christmas cards finally arrived this afternoon. Only a week late! Well I will have them in the mail on Monday in hopes they arrive by Christmas lol. Sorry, I blame Walmart!!

Today I sent the older three kids outside to play while I cleaned and Grayson and Emma were so cute. They kept a close eye on the kids and watched from the dining room window, so adorable!

 Trying to sneak out and go play with the kids lol

Grayson is wearing his "Choose Joy" bracelet. For some reason the lettering didnt show up well in the photo.

Miss Emma decided she was going to take her first few steps yesterday and today! Finally!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

You Know You Are the Mom of a Kid with Cancer When...

I have been feeling really lost lately and even a tad lonely.  Awww :( hehe
No, it's true though. I don't really talk to many people and if I do its usually my mom or dad maybe once a week for 20 minutes or to a few friends on facebook occasionally. But even most of them don't talk to me much anymore. I think its still a factor where people don't want to say the wrong thing, because I am a mother of a child with cancer. Psh! I'm a good place mentally with it all and I can not change the life we have but I can and will make the best of it. SO...The only other person to talk to is the hubs and we just seem to not talk much anymore right now. We are raising 5 kids and Grayson takes up 99% of our time and conversations so it doesn't leave much BS time hah! My doctor has mentioned PTSD...I guess its common among parents of a child with an aggressive form of cancer or cancer in general. Nice huh!
I have recently joined a childhood cancer support group and I feel so much better! *Obviously a day has passed since the first paragraph! I told you, I'm horrible at posting haha*
This is a post I found on the cancer support blog lol, it makes me giggle!

 You Know You're The Mom Of A Kid With Cancer When . . .                 
1.  You carry a tube of EMLA in your purse instead a tube of lipstick.                 
 2.   Kids with hair look kind of strange to you.                 
 3.  You can sleep anywhere, and anything that reclines more than 15 degrees looks "comfy."                
4.  Your spouse asks what that sexy perfume is, and it's Betadine.                 
5.  You don't realize the sharps container is on the kitchen table until half-way through dinner.                
6.  You enjoy the drive at 3:00am to the emergency room because there aren't any other cars on the road.                 
7.  You can name all the equipment used on "ER."                 
8.  You can diagnose the patients on "ER" before the docs do.                 
 9.  You hear a truck backing up and you think the IV is beeping.                 
10.  You are so proud that your baby finally gets hair (and he is 8)!                 
11.  Your new bathroom trash can has "Hazardous Waste" written on it (recycled sharps container).                
12.  You can maneuver a double pole with six boxes and a kid riding on a tour of the hospital, and make it back to the room before the low-battery alarm sounds and the kid has to go wee-wee.                 
13. You realize you've been home two weeks from the hospital and you are still measuring pee.                 
14.  The nurses stop responding to the IV alarm, knowing you'll fix it anyway.                 
15.  You use EMLA to pluck your eyebrows.                 
16.  Your children ask what's for dinner, and you automatically reach for the hyper-al bag.                 
17.  Your 2-year-old knows where all of the medical equipment goes and how to use it.
18.  Your child's first word is a medical term.                 
19.  You keep a bag packed all the time in the closet like you're 9 months pregnant.
20.  You can eat with one hand while you hold the barf bucket with the other.                 
21.  Your 5 year old can read and interpret the printouts of her blood counts, and argues with the docs over the calculation of her ANC.                 
22.  You find yourself showing hospital employees shortcuts for getting around the building.                 
23.  Your latest embroidery project is a wall hanging proclaiming "God Bless Zofran." 
24.  You notice that all the bookmarks in your house are alcohol pad packets, and the bathtub toys include several different sizes of medical syringes.                 
25.  You ask your CPA if bribe toys are tax deductible.

HAHA!!! Sorry, I know most of you will not laugh and are probably busy googling what some of these terms even mean. GOOD! You shouldn't ever know what all of this means. It sucks, but I like to find the humor in it all and keep a positive attitude :) And yes, my husband and I giggled like little kids and nodded our heads as we read each line going "Mmhmm!"

I want to send out a HUGE Thank You to those amazing people we have in our lives that have remember our family this holiday season. The cards we have received as well as some gifts have made us feel so blessed. Its amazing how I can be soo down some days and all I have to do is look at our wall of hope and see the love others have for our family! Yes, I have ALL the cards we have ever gotten, hanging up on our wall <3 Thank you all soo much for your love and support this whole long year! You've helped me through so many hard times!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Holly Jolly Something or Other!

I'm horrible! I write postings and then forget to finish them and actually post them! Hah! Guess it's very easy for me to get distracted. Just ask my husband. He swears I have ADD, and sometimes I just might have to agree with him ;)

It's been a long week, but a decent week! We like decent weeks around here. Grayson has had a few good days in a row now which totally rock! I love seeing him up and playing, and causing all kinds of messes. That's what little boys should be doing! Not laying around sick, not knowing what "sick" even means.

The weather around here has been so off. I am from way up north, you know, within jumping distance of the Canadian border. I am used to rugged horribly cold winters. The kind where you wear at least 3 layers and walk around like the little boy, Randy, on A Christmas Story "I can't put my arms down!" But this year is sooo weird. We have no snow! I really never ever thought I would be saying this, but I really want some! I don't want much, just a light snow fall on Christmas with those big fat fluffy snowflakes. Those are my favorite!

Speaking of Christmas, we are celebrating our Christmas on Mon-Tues of next week! I am so excited! So are my kids!! The kids got an early gift from Grammy. My mom sent money for the kids to go to the store and pick something out and so that's exactly what we did last night.

Buddy picked out this little guy and he has been doing a great job at keeping my boys entertained for hours. His eyes light up, he walks, and look at those muscles!

They have been playing so nice together! Its really cute and melts my heart. Grayson does everything Buddy does, its so precious! Looks up to his big brother <3

This is Emma B....who has now been nicknamed Diva B, for reason I'm sure you can imagine. Shes been so crabby lately and will have a meltdown at the smallest things. Heck, someone could look at her wrong and there she goes, throwing a fit and crying about it LOL. Its so hard not to sit and just laugh! Poor girl! LOL

We went and saw Santa the other day! The crowds of people was seriously insane. But whatever, we got to see Santa!!