Friday, June 10, 2011
Kind of another stressful day today. I think the emotions were higher then yesterday, being things are kind of sinking in. For me anyways... Not something I think I will ever really get used to. I don't want to let myself. It was hard to find the positive at times today that's for sure.
Think I'm still almost numb to this whole situation. I have meds to give, we need to monitor him to check for all kinds of symptoms that can be allergic reactions to the meds or even the chemo. I just feel overwhelmed and still a little angry I think. It just shouldn't be happening. My son shouldn't be on chemo, its just not fair!!
Grayson wasn't himself today so that made things worse. He was really tired and didn't smile and play like he usually does. He seemed like he was still in pain a bit so, even though i don't want him on the pain meds much, he needed them today again. The area where the port is seems to look much better then it did last night. Its bled a little but nothing too bad. The oncologist did call this evening and I asked her about it and she said that we need to keep an eye on it but sounds like its normal for a little bleeding. She wanted to make sure his appetite hadn't already decreased and I really don't think it has. Hes sleeping more so in a way eating less, but not a loss in the actual appetite. The oncologist said that most likely he is just still in a little pain from the placement of the port, and hopefully he wont be like this after each treatment. I really hope he doesn't get sick each time :(
I do like that they seem to keep in close touch with us (the oncologist). Just things are a little crazy around here now. I feel like now that he started chemo, we live a new life. Jesse's days off work are now not days to go do family things, they are days for doctor appointments. And now that the longer Grayson is on chemo, the more prone to illness he will be, I feel like i need to set up some kind of area right when you come into the house for people to scrub themselves down lol. Have sanitizers and all that fun stuff! I want to go through the house and completely declutter things and just make life as simple as i possibly can! Just need to find the motivation for such things hah!
Also we are going to be setting up a trust fund for Grayson. When this is ready we will let you know all the details :) We were advised to set up a caring bridge site but I'm not sure if I will do that or just keep the blog.
And also the nurse said that most people set up a list of things they will need and people can mail them (ex. Clorox wipes)...is this something we should do?
Well enough for now...my mind is spinning like crazy and I'm still out of it I think. Running on empty :(