Monday, April 4, 2011

I'm heading to bed early. Today I have just been really down, and cant stop thinking about what my son has to go through. It makes me question whether we are doing the right thing or not. Is there a right and wrong thing in this situation? Should we keep going and putting him through these sedated MRIs and all this stuff. But then if we stop and he becomes paralyzed or the tumor spreads beyond fixing, then I would live a life of regrets and what ifs. 
Well after today I am just mentally worn out. Grayson has another Dr appt tomorrow at 1pm, his pre-op appt. Just a check up to make sure he is good to go for the sedation on Wednesday.
I have lots of pics to upload tomorrow, from today. I just don't have time right now. They are super cute! :)

5 comments:

  1. Jessica - I cannot pretend to know what you are going thru nor would I want to, but i feel like you should do everything you can and then leave it in God's hands. I know that second part is easier said than done but I truly believe that God heals and when he doesn't heal, there is a reason. Only He knows the whole picture and knows the reasons behind what your little guy (and your whole family) is going thru. It is easy for me to sit here and preach at you, but I don't mean to preach - I am praying for you all and for God to heal Grayson and to give you comfort and strength and whatever else you need to get thru this ordeal. Many tight hugs from this stranger to you :)

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  3. Ugh, I've typed and backspaced for about 5 minutes now. I just have no idea what the right words are. I think you are doing exactly what you should. If I were in your shoes, I'd be doing the same thing. A mother does all she can to protect and "fix" their babies..that is exactly what you're doing. It may seem like you're "putting him through" them, but you're trying to find out what's wrong to save his life. One of these times might reveal something, and if you don't do it, you won't know. I pray every day, a few times a day, for you guys. I look at my kids and think of you, and how I wouldn't be nearly as sane about all this as you are. You're an incredible women, and God will greatly reward you.

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  4. YES YES YES, what Heather said. You are doing the right thing hon, you are trying to help him. I know either way you would be wondering if you are doing the right thing. YOU ARE doing the right thing, Jess. You are a WONDERFUL mother. I pray for you guys all the time, and think about you so much, hoping and praying for things to get better. For strength for you and Jesse, for answers for Grayson and for him to be healed. Don't give up hope or faith hon. I know it is hard to stay strong, and you are only human and yes you are going to have days where you are upset, frustrated, angry, worn out, etc, and we are all here for you to lean on. USE US!! Bug huge hugs to you guys, you are ALWAYS in my heart. Lots of love.

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  5. Thank you all for the comments :)

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