Monday, March 21, 2011

It might be other places...

I called this morning like I had planned. I hardly slept last night and this morning was a countdown until 8:30am  rolled around, which meant the office was open and I could call. I was so nervous I actually had to wait till 8:45am to call, once I had talked myself into it. It had to be done...
The lady that answered already had all of Grayson's information which was scary, maybe made things feel more real? But she said the earliest he could get in was next Wednesday at 11am. So I said ok, and called my husband and let him know.
Then about and hour ago the neurologist called to check on things. He wanted to know how we were doing, mentally. I said it has sunk in and we are all heartbroken. I knew that once I said this the neurologist was going to have a hard time still talking to me. He kept his composure during the visit on Friday but had left a few times during because he himself had started to break down. He said he wished Grayson had more options.
Anyways, he said that he was going to try and call and get us in sooner. He said Grayson needs a full body scan to check for other spots that he might have cancer. He said being that Grayson doesn't put weight on his legs he thinks that his spine needs to be checked for sure. There might be little tumors also in the spine...then he needed to end the call fast, right there, because I could tell in his voice that he was starting to cry. I feel glad that he is such a great doctor and he truly cares about our family and our son. He has since day one. But I feel he knows more then we do, otherwise he wouldn't break down every time he talks about Grayson. It must be worse then I am understanding...or maybe I dont listen because I don't feel a mother should ever have to watch their child, a baby, suffer from something so horrible.
My husband called and said that his sgt. called him and was talking to him about making his time up from the weekend, if you remember he left early so he could be with Grayson and I at the MRI. After Jesse explained what we found out, the Sgt. said he doesnt need to make up the time but he had to check with the Commander, which in turn said Jesse wont need to go sandbag with the unit or attend drill next week. YAY! Im soooo glad they are working with us on this. Its hard enough, we dont need to have Jesse be gone to drill too.
Sometimes I feel so mad...but all I can do is keep him happy. I will try and write more later but the last few nights Grayson has been falling asleep on me on the couch and he doesn't want me to put him down, and i don't want to put him down either. So I wrote as much as I know right now. The neurologist is going to be calling back later but please keep praying for Grayson


  1. praying for this beautiful baby

  2. I have to compose myself after reading these, because even tho it is not happening to me, it hurts me to the core. I am extremely happy and pleased to hear how wonderful Jesse's work is being in something like this. Because that is ONLY RIGHT. I am also extremely happy to hear you have such a caring, compassionate doctor. Some doctors have such caring passion, and when it comes to such a little patient, I am sure it is very hard on the doctor knowing what is going on, that he is so innocent and doesn't deserve to be sick.
    Reading the updates and blog tear my heart to pieces and I find myself not know what to think or even say. Please just know you truly do have people who love you guys and want to do anything we can to help you thru the time you, Jesse, Grayson and the family are going thru. Feel free to lean on me in any way you need hon. My arms, ears, and heart are open. Love you lots and I continue to pray for Grayson. I have a new candle going for him. xoxoxo

  3. I am not sure where you are getting your strength but you sure have a lot and while I can't imagine your pain you seem to be so strong. Keep pushing forward and pounding away at the phone... you are Graysons voice... make them hear you! I'm very happy your doctor is so caring! He sounds amazing!
    ALl my thoughts and prayers. I check your blog as often as I can and cant wait for the blog to come that has all the good news in it... I believe that with everyone praying... Grayson will get some good news soon!


Promise to self

Dear self, I promise to always be a light for my children, even on days that feel incredibly hard. To encourage every bit of their hearts ...