Saturday, March 5, 2011

I need a vacation. A "mommy" vacation. I just need a little break to gather my sanity. I realize that each day is pretty much the same. I'm always doing something (and not usually for myself). I'm doing what all other stay at home mommies are doing, changing diapers, making bottles, cleaning, entertaining, cooking, cleaning, organizing, more cleaning, teaching, playing referee, scheduling appointments for this or that, making sure homework is done, and yeah...more cleaning. That is my day, in and out, new day same thing. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change it for anything, but I just need more "me" time. I feel like no one understands this. 
With Grayson's tumor and Wyatt having this weird fever that comes and goes every couple of weeks I just feel like I'm in this sad world. I cry most days, at some point or another. Mostly because I feel that the tumor has grown and if it hasn't then there is something else really wrong.
At night and even randomly through out the day, Grayson will let out these blood curdling screams, and grab his head. He has an ear infection that is pretty much gone now. So, again my mind is going crazy thinking not so good things. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I hate waiting and not knowing whats wrong. He will scream and there is nothing I can do. 
 I've shut myself down and I refuse to open up, even to my husband now. I don't know why. Maybe because its easier living in this "denial" world right now. I know its just temporary and most people wont understand why I am doing this but its working for me. I'm sure its not healthy but it is what it is, and right now I'm fine with it. 
Oh and I redid my blog last night and I really like how it turned out. And also while at Target I got some new nail polish, its a light pink and just looks really pretty. Hope I get a chance to do my nails  <3

1 comment:

  1. hi you have a very beautiful family... hope everything is well to you and to your family... hope you can have your "me time".... a spa or a short trip with your girl friends.